All Things Monica

Sometimes you have to be confronted with absurd insanity before you recognize your own normal insanity. -Ray Buckel

"Being bitter is like taking poison and expecting someone else to die."

-Bob Hostetler

My roommate made a video of her nephew and his awesome dancing skills!

Watch

Angie's been getting on my case about getting back into writing on here, so here I am! I've been swamped with classes this quarter; not to mention the fact that I've fallen hard core  in love with Matthias. I've been putting most of my energy into him and school.

Let me tell you a little about him, since you asked. We knew each other in college, and I liked him then. Then we lost touch. I've thought a lot about him over the years and tried to get in touch with him more than once. We finally started talking again in April last year. I knew I still had feelings for him, but he didn't feel the same (he says) UNTIL I went up to visit. After I got back, he realized he had feelings, too and we've been dating since. He lives three hours away, but we talk every day, and so far see each other once a month. He's VERY intelligent, loves the Lord, sings, plays piano, writes, he even cooks! We have wonderful conversations. He listens to me and is so very attentive. He's also one of the most thoughtful people I've ever met. I am so very blessed to be part of his life.

I've been out of commission for a while. Blame it on my beautiful, sweet, talented, smart, funny, God-loving, rule-following man! That's right, people, i'm totally head over heels in love. I'm not sharing his name because I haven't asked if that's ok. I know i'm extremely biased, but he is absolutely wonderful. I couldn't have done better if I'd placed an order with God. He's more than I could have dreamed up. The only thing that sucks is that we live over 3 hours apart. I can't stand that part. I've already looked into grad school up by him (I was thinking about that anyway, so don't think I've TOTALLY lost my mind).

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Wow, it's been a while since I last wrote. Well, still working on classes, had a great Thanksgiving, and have started the crochet season again. Why "season", you ask? We don't have AC, and it's too hot to work with yarn in the summer, so I mainly do it in Fall and Winter. Now you know.

As I've mentioned, I’m trying to be more cognizant and careful about what I do and don't say. I’ve noticed over the last few days that it’s starting to affect my attitude. I work at a national pregnancy hotline, and you may have noticed from certain blog entries that I can get pretty frustrated with people. However, I’ve been trying not to make comments from that frustration. I have noticed that I haven’t been as frustrated or irritated by ignorance as usual. I can only assume that it’s a result of trying not to say what doesn’t need to be said. I don’t feel as stressed either. There’s a school of thought that says that speaking a word makes that concept true. If I’m not speaking my frustration (when doing so is not helpful). I’m not saying don’t talk about problems if you need to. Maybe I’m getting a glimpse of life with a tame tongue?

I?m not sure if I mentioned before that I went in for a sleep study. I did it because one of the times I was getting blood drawn at my endocrinologist; I read a poster that listed the symptoms of sleep apnea:

• Frequent silences during sleep due to breaks in breathing (apnea)
• Choking or gasping during sleep to get air into the lungs
• Loud snoring
• Sudden awakenings to restart breathing or waking up in a sweat
• Daytime sleepiness and feeling unrefreshed by a night?s sleep, including falling asleep at inappropriate times

All of which, I have. There are more symptoms, but those are the ones that say, ?Get this checked.? So, I did. Well, I finally sat down with the neurologist yesterday to go over the results. He said that most doctors say that you actually have to stop breathing 50-100/hour to be diagnosed, but he studied the data himself; and while I never totally stopped breathing, there were many times that he could tell that my lungs and diaphragm were fighting each other. He said that he?d call that hypopnea. He also said that my legs and arms twitch sometimes and called some name that I can?t remember (not RLS). He said that during the second study (where I used the CPAP ? a breathing machine that forces the air through), I showed a dramatic improvement in my low level sleep waves, which are the ones that restore your body and mind. Now, we have to convince the insurance company to pay for a machine with his diagnosis. He said he?s willing to fight them, but that I can get the machine fairly inexpensively on eBay if they won?t pay for it. I like the way he thinks! Then he said that I would benefit from their Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) program. It?s six sessions where they teach you tools to deal with tons of things, but focusing on your sleep patterns. I start that the first week in December. My trainer?s name is Tim, and he was even there, so I got to meet him. He looked familiar. Hmmm? Anyway, I?ll chronicle how things go once they start.

I?ll tell you why I believe life starts at conception (that doesn't mean I may learn something later that changes my mind). First, there are the Bible references to God knowing us before we were even a thought in someone's head. Here are just two of them:

Ps. 139:13-16

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be

Jeremiah 1:4-5

The word of the Lord came to me, saying, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

Second, the moment that the egg and sperm join, certain things are already determined: eye/hair/skin color, fingerprints, and even some aspects of personality (the last one is heavily documented in twin studies). Not only that, but just by what defines "life" in the scientific sense, we see that even just with 2 cells, the embryo is alive:

Conventional definition: The consensus is that life is a characteristic of organisms that exhibit all or most of the following phenomena:

1. Homeostasis: Regulation of the internal environment to maintain a constant state; for example, electrolyte concentration or sweating to reduce temperature.
2. Organization: Being composed of one or more cells, which are the basic units of life.
3. Metabolism: Consumption of energy by converting chemicals and energy into cellular components (anabolism) and decomposing organic matter (catabolism). Living things require energy to maintain internal organization (homeostasis) and to produce the other phenomena associated with life.
4. Growth: Maintenance of a higher rate of synthesis than catabolism. A growing organism increases in size in all of its parts, rather than simply accumulating matter. The particular species begins to multiply and expand as the evolution continues to flourish.
5. Adaptation: The ability to change over a period of time in response to the environment. This ability is fundamental to the process of [micro]evolution and is determined by the organism's heredity as well as the composition of metabolized substances, and external factors present.
6. Response to stimuli: A response can take many forms, from the contraction of a unicellular organism to external chemicals, to complex reactions involving all the senses of higher animals. A response is often expressed by motion, for example, the leaves of a plant turning toward the sun (phototropism) and chemotaxis.
7. Reproduction: The ability to produce new organisms. Reproduction can be the division of one cell to form two new cells. Usually the term is applied to the production of a new individual (either asexually, from a single parent organism, or sexually, from at least two differing parent organisms), although strictly speaking it also describes the production of new cells in the process of growth. 
   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life

There are Bible verses that people site that they believe support the idea that ?life? doesn?t begin till the baby takes its first breath. I?ve read those verses, but I don?t see what they see. What has been revealed to me thus far makes it very clear that God?s definition of life is far more inclusive than our own. You?ll have to make up your own mind.

Over the last few days, I tried talking less. I was very deliberate about what I chose to say and not say. If it was just because I wanted to share a thought, I kept it to myself. If it was information that might interest the person I was with, I shared. After a while, I didn?t even want to talk. Yes, absolutely amazing. I don?t think my mother appreciated it, though. I usually call her right after church on the way home, but I didn?t call her at all. She finally called me at 5 or 6, but I still didn?t have much to say. Never thought I?d say that.

I have also been taking baby steps toward times of silence, so I've worked on not automatically turning on the TV. or music. This has given me time to practice my flute, which I haven't done in MONTHS; and I've had time to actually sit and read the Bible. That's definitely something that I need to do. How else can I know how to hear God's voice unless I'm familiar with his Word?

Yes, I'm thinking of taking a short vow of silence. Anyone who knows me knows that I generally have a lot to say about many things. I think part of that is just who I am, but it?s also the result of being an only child (for 16 years) of a single parent. I seem to comment on whatever goes through my head. Many may not believe this, but I already do filter out 90% of what actually runs around in my head. It?s true. Anyway, I was thinking about trying to be silent more often. No, seriously.

What interests me may not interest those around me, so why do I feel the compulsion to share it? More importantly, if I?m always talking, how can I hear the still, quiet voice of God? Now, that?s not to say that I?m not good listener (all of my friends know that I am), but that?s when there?s a specific reason to listen. If not, I tend to be the one talking or I?m concentrating on TV or music, etc. None of that leaves me open to hear something that God might be trying to share with me. I tried talking less the other day, and it was really difficult. I mentioned this to a friend, and he suggested starting off with a set amount of time. Obviously, I can?t be totally silent; I answer phones for a living. However, I could do it on one of my days off, any talking outside of work, etc. I?m thinking I?ll just start with 1-3 days. I welcome any feedback on this.

Verses that support less talking:

Pr 10:19 - When there are many words, sin is unavoidable, but the one who controls his lips is wise.

Pr 17:9 - Whoever conceals an offense promotes love, but whoever gossips about it separates friends.

Pr 17:27 - The intelligent person restrains his words, and one who keeps a cool head is a man of understanding.

Pr 17:28 - Even a fool is considered wise when he keeps silent, discerning, when he seals his lips.

Pr 13:3 - He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.

Pr 12:18 - Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Jas 1:26 - If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.

That?s not to say that we should never speak; just that we must be careful with our words. I'm going to try this as well as trying to have more time without outside stimulation. I'll be left alone with my thoughts (yes, I'm very scared about that) and hopefully with anything God wishes to share with me.

I could say that I couldn't have said it better myself, but we all know that's not exactly true (love you, Tom).

I voted today, but I'm not happy about it. Actually, it was fine voting for some of the local issues, but our choices for President are woefully lacking. I know, I've talked about this before. I actually talked to one of my pastors a few days ago because I still didn't know who I should vote for. He said that obviously I'd have to pray about it, prioritize the issues and their stances on those issues, and vote for the candidate that I felt God was leading me to. I did that. (No, I'm not telling anyone who I voted for; I have too many friends, family, and acquaintances that are hard core left or right, and I don't want to get into anything with any of them; it's not worth it.) Now, I have to trust God.

The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases.     Proverbs 21:1

Well, anyone who's ever spoken to someone of the opposite sex knows that this is the case. I?m not here to try to explain why (people have been trying to figure that out for eons), but one of my friends recently shared his theory regarding how we think differently. While he was sharing this with me, I was thinking about the various people I know of both sexes, and what he said seems to be pretty accurate. So what?s this free bit of wisdom?

He said that men think in file cabinets and only one file can be open at a time. Typically, the reason that file is open should be resolved before closing that one and opening another one. They don?t like to leave things unfinished. Women think in roadmaps; we think of all possibilities and outcomes and plan/worry accordingly. Things are often unresolved because we don?t mind coming back to it later. He said that?s also why women carry things like stain remover, baby wipes, lip balm, etc. They are prepared for almost anything that might appear on their roadmap.

He gave a pretty good example of how this works. He and his group of friends are getting ready to go out for dinner and maybe a movie. The guys have now opened the file drawer for food. That?s the only thing they?re thinking about. The women, however, are thinking about where to eat, what they?re in the mood for, which restaurant has the best of what they?re in the mood for, which movie, which theater, which restaurant is fairly close to that theater, who?ll drive, how many cars they should take, and the list goes on (no, it really does). Of course, the women will ask the men for their input (sometimes), but the men haven?t closed the food drawer yet, so they have no interest (Jason says no ability, but I don?t want to assume) in even thinking about all the other questions. So, the women get frustrated that the men aren?t helping with decisions, and the men get frustrated that the women haven?t resolved the food issue yet.

What can help this situation? Jason suggests that first; they need to choose a restaurant. Once that?s done, the food drawer is resolved and can be closed; and another drawer can be opened. That seems pretty simple, and everyone is happy.

Of course, there?s variation among individuals and I think of it as a continuum; some men multi-task better than others and some women don?t multi-task as well as the rest of us. Either way, this seems like a good way to approach communication between the sexes. I told him he should write a book, but he said it?s too simple to fill a book. He doesn?t blog, but I thought people should hear this, so I did. I hope it can help you.

I'm pretty cynical, at least about our government. Well, really it's about the people in our government. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being all-out, perfect trust and a belief in an unerring government, I'm about a 3. I can't say that I'm a 0; if I did, then I should move out of the country. If I say it?s 0, but I stay here, then I better shut-up about the government or do something about it. In theory, our set-up is a pretty good one. Unfortunately, it has to be run by people who are fallible, greedy, and ambition-driven. I do not believe that anyone can work in our government for any length of time without becoming part of the corruption, back-scratching, etc. They are there for themselves, not us. Don?t kid yourself. Anyone who knows me knows that I can?t stand politicians.

Anyway, this leads me to what our role is as Christians. We have to understand that God is the one who chooses who is or is not the President, whether we think they agree with us or not. He chooses them for a reason, and we are not here to judge Him. Even if I don?t like what a President has done (I have yet to be happy with one, by the way), I still have to respect the office.

Our pastor talked about respect in relation to the fifth Commandment. There are three levels to the kind of respect we?re to show to one another:

·         Respect based upon human dignity (James 3:9-10)

·         Respect based upon position (1 Peter 2:17)

·         Respect based upon character and deeds (1 Timothy 5:17)

Yes, Pastor Terry was talking about within the family, but I think it?s pretty obvious that this kind of respect extends from there. He may/may not engender respect by his character or deeds, but just the fact that he?s a fellow human (and a child of God) and is in a position of authority, I should show him respect. Even if I don?t like what the President is doing, it?s no call for disrespect. Period.

I?ll be watching this in myself, will you?